Why Do Gay Guys Date Women?


When I was dating, I had at least three guys in a row confess to me that they actually preferred men over women. Now this was after we had gone on several dates, and I was beginning to think things might be getting a little more serious. After the moment of true confession, I was disappointed to say the least. But more than that, I was heartbroken to lose what I thought was going to be a lasting friendship. This brought up two questions in my mind. First, what took this guy so long to confess the truth to me?  Second, why did he even bother to date women in first place?

The answer to the second question became obvious eventually. If these guys consider themselves to be Christian–which many of them do attend church by the way–then they feel they must hide their true sexual origination by dating women. The first question is equally apparent in that since I met these guys in church or a Christian setting of some sort, of course, they had to present themselves as heterosexual men. And to be honest, in that kind of setting, my ‘Gaydar’ was set to off most of the time. Gay guys are among the most sensitive and kind people I know and this is why dating them is very appealing and usually a wonderful experience. They know how to have fun in a good way and they are great communicators, which makes it even harder for Christian women to pick up any obvious signs or signals. It is sad when such a blooming friendship must end, but we both know at that point the relationship just can’t continue to grow, in the way she had hoped anyway. The woman feels deceived and basically was lied to by this man. She feels she was lured into this relationship and used to help cover up his preferred lifestyle.

Let’s be honest here, we all know what the Bible calls it. Sin! But in today’s world that word has become taboo. Folks, it’s just good old fashioned sin, nothing more and nothing less, and we all do it. We are all guilty of it, we are condemned to death because of it, and we all need salvation from it.

This doesn’t mean the homosexual man or woman is any worse than the rest of us. Nor does it give us liberty to sin against them by ridiculing or persecuting them for their sexual preferences.

I am totally against bullying of any kind and would never condone such behavior. Everyone deserves to be loved. We just need that love to come from the right source – God.

After getting to the point of almost falling in love with this person, the woman is usually left devastated and hesitant to go back into the shark invested waters of dating. And how can one blame her? This is a scary world we live in today. Of course, the other side of this coin is when guys date lesbian girls unsuspectingly. Though you rarely hear about this since most guys are less likely to talk about it. This type of deception is a two-edged sword that cuts both ways. And my guess is, the homosexual party feels guilty to a certain extent and wishes they’d never gone that far with the relationship as well. In many cases, it’s not so much a lack of knowing but rather a lack of maturity to accept the obvious.

Many religions are now recognizing the fact that homosexual people are very present in the church today. However, it might be more advantageous to ‘the church’ as a whole to be more understanding of  gay people and encourage them to be themselves. This might at least minimize the damage done to the well-meaning straight Christian girls and guys who are dating.

What about you? Have you experienced the disappointment of finding out that the person you were dating was actually gay? How did it make you feel? How did you handle it?

Stay True-2-You,

Londa Hayden

P.S. If you haven’t already, check out my book “Date, Pray, Wait” for more great stories and dating tips. Order a signed copy directly from the author’s site at http://londahayden.com at a discount.


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