Monthly Archives: July 2012

The Quiet Ride

Image

Excerpt taken from “Date, Pray, Wait”

It was a balmy summer night just after a Bible study at a friend’s house. As a Christian single, I chose to live a virtuous lifestyle. This left me alone and date free on many occasions. A guy named Mark attended the small group. We knew each other well, but had never dated. He drove a motorcycle and wore a leather jacket. We talked in the front yard for a while, and as I turned to leave, Mark asked me if I would like to go for a ride. I hesitated, but then remembered the thrill of being on a motorcycle once before and considered the cool breeze against my skin now beaded with sweat from the humidity. Mark handed me a helmet, and I hopped on behind him.

“Hold on,” he said.

I grabbed his belt loops.

“No, you’ll have to hold on tighter than that.”

I wrapped my arms around his waist and screamed as the bike jerked forward onto the street with the blast of the engine fading behind us. My long hair flew from beneath the helmet, as a smile of relief welcomed the cool breeze on my face. The thrill of the ride brought a much-needed exuberance I hadn’t felt in a long time. This is the coolest ever, I thought.

After a few minutes, I laid my head against his back, closed my eyes and let the wind carry my thoughts away. My imagination and the mesmerizing hum of the motorcycle settled my mind. The warmth of his back penetrated through the leather jacket to my cheek and upper body. Our souls began a silent communication with one another. Nothing needed to be said as two lonely hearts comforted one another in quiet revelry.

He drove for a long time, then headed up a secluded country road. The stars were bright in a moonless sky, but it was so dark you couldn’t even see your hand in front of your face. The motorcycle slowed to a stop, and we got off the bike to stand on the edge of a dirt road. I could barely see the barbed wire fence silhouetted in starlight before us.

“Do you mind stopping for a while? I like coming here to enjoy the peace and quiet,” Mark said.

“Sure,” I said.

I looked up at the stars and commented on their brightness. He mentioned how the chirping of the crickets sounded like music, and that was the extent of our conversation. We stood there for what seemed an eternity just listening to the symphony of life being orchestrated around us. In that moment surrounded by darkness, I felt safe and at peace.

We got back on the bike, and he dropped me off at my car. I drove home sensing something special had happened in the darkness of the quiet ride we had shared that night. God used that moment to remind me that He would never leave me or forsake me. Being single left me feeling completely alone at times. That motorcycle ride reminded me that God was still there giving me a quiet ride through the darkness. He didn’t need to say much. The warmth of his presence comforted me, and the orchestration of life being conducted by the Holy Spirit was all around me.

You are not alone. God’s presence is with you to comfort you and give you peace. Hold on tight and He will give you a quiet ride through the darkness of life.

Psalm 23:1-2 “The Lord is my Shepherd, I shall not be in want. He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside quiet waters.”

To order your copy of “Date, Pray, Wait” – Click Here

Dating Infatuation Flops

Standard

Image

Sometimes girls and guys can be a bit needy when it comes to dating. Especially, if one hasn’t dated in a very long time. This can lead to perilous times ahead, if not approaching a potential date with care. It’s just too easy to get overly excited and fall prey to an inflated infatuation of someone who hasn’t even said hello to you yet. This is what happens to Mary, played by Sandra Bullock, in “All About Steve.”  Unfortunately, Mary gets pushed away, but doesn’t take the very obvious hints. Through her well-meaning efforts, she finds her self in peril but yet still manages to end up hero of the day. She doesn’t get her man in the end, but he does come to respect her and admire her. He turns from his “Shallow Hal” ways and comes to understand women in a whole new light.

Many times during my own dating experiences, I too fell victim to the overzealous expectations of a first date. Poor guy didn’t know what was about to hit him. All the same, I learned from my mistakes. And most times those mistakes actually turned things around for the best of all involved. My own ego was tempered as the reality of the situation settled my mind and the pitter-patter of my heart.

It’s hard not to grasp hold of that long awaited dream to finally have your own Mr. Right, the love of your life, walk into your life. Remember that love takes time to build that mutual respect and friendship. Patience truly is a virtue when it comes to love. Waiting for the right one to come along and then waiting for him to make that first move is equally difficult at times.

Then there are those of us who seem to have been waiting way too long for our supposed Mr. Right to actually pop the question. Is he serious about this relationship or not? It’s been how many years now? I was invited to a church to sing once where a woman showed up wearing a wedding dress with three children in tow. When I saw two other women carrying in a wedding cake, it became obvious that her family was prepared for an impromptu wedding. The preacher and his wife knew the couple well and asked me to sing a wedding song. “Just sing anything you know off the top of your head, we’ve been waiting for this one for a long time,” the preacher’s wife explained. Then suddenly, in walked the groom, in a stiff robotic fashion with flattened brows, dressed in a rented blue and pink tuxedo and the wedding commenced. It was hilarious, in retrospect, how this mother of three children had finally coaxed the father into marrying her. Even so, it was also a shame that the children did not have the benefit of knowing their parents in a committed relationship before then. I wondered how this might ultimately effect their outlook on marriage in the future.

Than again, I’ve had friends who dated less than six weeks before they got engaged. Yes, sometimes those whirlwind romances really work. For me, however, I needed more time to know for sure. It took a few months for my husband and I to even start talking about marriage. After a year of dating, he asked for my hand in marriage. By then, I was clearly anticipating that very special moment.

In I Corinthians 13 (The Love Chapter), the Bible tells us that ” … Love is patient, love is kind … love does not demand its own way.” When you meet who you think is Mr. or Mrs. Right, remember to be patient and wait on the Lord to bring confirmation. It is by God’s peace that you will know if this person is the right one for you or not.

Be willing to wait on God for His best for you.

For more on dating, check out  “Date, Pray, Wait” in stores now. Available on this blog site, Amazon.com, and in all ebook formats.

How To Get The Most Out Of A Date

Standard

When preparing to go out with someone on a first time date, there are a few rules to be considered.

What rules apply here?

1. Go someplace public, yet private enough to have a conversation.

2. Dress appropriately, not seductively.

3. Talk on general topics only. It is not time to get too personal just yet.

4.  Don’t do all the talking. Make sure to listen and give equal time in sharing with each other.

5.  Respect the other person’s point of view on a matter even if they don’t agree, yet share your difference of opinion in a cordial and non-intimidating manner.

These are just a few important factors to consider when going on a first date. As time progresses and you decide to continue dating someone, then it’s time to set some safety zones in place. Be sure to do this in a non-threatening way and handle it with care. You don’t want to come across as a mother hen or a teacher. You are an equal, who only wants to set healthy boundaries at the get-go in order to prevent hurtful situations from occurring. When handled correctly, this step can make a huge difference in the quality of the relationship during the developmental stages.

How does one approach setting boundaries?

1. Sharing your personal faith in Jesus Christ is very important at this point. However, you don’t want to force your beliefs on anyone. If this is a second date, you may have covered this introductory element during your first date. Assuming you are both Christians, this should easily lead into the various levels of integrity integrated into whatever Christian belief you happen to follow according to codes of conduct and Christian morals.

2. If you are still at the point of just having fun together, then no rush. Even so, you want to share this important part of your life as soon as possible in order to protect yourself from getting too caught up in an infatuation with the other individual. Otherwise, you may suffer a sudden deflation and disappointment once your personal beliefs are disclosed.

3. Equally important, is to inquire about any sexual orientation issues both past and present. It is not fair to either party to carry on as if you are interested in a lifetime partnership when you know or suspect otherwise. Do not allow yourself to be blindsided on this one; you could end up devastated. Also, certain health issues may arise that could threaten your own personal well being and future.

4. Don’t look at a date as a possible future business transaction, while trying to make a sales pitch to close the deal. Treat each other as human beings and remember each of you has feelings; be tender and kind to one another through this sensitive time of discovery.

Now What?

Once you’ve reached this stage of understanding one another and have decided you are compatible with each other’s beliefs, morals, and other important issues, then you can move forward in the relationship with healthy boundaries in place. And vice-versa, if you have talked things through to this point of discovering that each of your ideals and morals are not equal, then you can cordially bow out of the relationship without being rude or mean to one another. In fact, you should still be able to remain friends even if on a more shallow level. That’s okay. That’s the whole purpose of dating anyway. Once you have gotten this infatuated image of this person out of your system as you see he or she doesn’t line up with your standards, you can let them go and move on with your life. There is no emotional baggage to carry over into another relationship.

For more helpful dating advice, pick up a copy of “Date, Pray, Wait” – available on this website,  Amazon.comBarnes & Noble, and in ebook formats.

Aside

When joining an online dating service such as Christian Mingle or eharmony, there are good and bad things to consider. How do you know the person’s profile you are looking at online is anything like that in real life? They could post a picture of anyone and say it’s them. So you’ve been communicating back and forth through emails for several weeks and you feel it’s time to take this relationship to the next level by arranging a meet and greet in a public place. Maybe you’ll get lucky? 

Image

But then again, maybe not!

Image

Meeting in a very public place is the smartest thing to do. Because until you have met in person, both of you are basically still complete strangers who happen to be well acquainted with each other. Then again, so could a serial killer or sexual predator browsing online for that matter. Even so, meeting in public is still a very safe way to find out if this person is really who they say they are online. Of course, pray about this first and be willing to listen to your inner voice and gut instincts. If you have any misgivings or red flags start to wave, then say a polite goodbye and make a quick exit. Or better yet, go to the restroom and call a friend to ask them to call you with an emergency or to come and rescue you. Don’t let that person walk you the car either. Just leave on your own. 

You may want to ask a friend to accompany you to avoid any awkward encounters or unwanted advances. Always carry pepper spray or mace in your purse and/or on your key chain at all times. This is a dangerous world we live in folks, so take every precaution before falling prey to a sick-minded person. 

For more on dating, pick up a copy of “Date, Pray, Wait” – available on Amazon.comBarnes & Noble, and in ebook formats.

Dating Online Can Be Risky

Finding A Christian Soul Mate Online

Standard

Christian dating website

Social media networks have been of great help to a lot of people worldwide in terms of improving communication and expanding the “social realm”. Christians are asked to mingle with people who are of the same faith and beliefs, but sometimes, because for the “lack of choices” they are forced to have relationships with those who are not Christians like themselves.

Now it is easier than ever before to meet Christian singles online; especially with all the wonderful Christian dating websites now available. It is obvious that many singles are looking for something more than dating. They are interested in increasing lasting friendships. After all, most solid marriages are built between two peoples that see each other as best friends, not just romantic partners.

However, Christian dating websites have been made in order to solve that kind of problem. Christians will be able to network with other Christians not only in the same geographical location but also across the islands. They will also be able to interact with one another in the “Christian way.” These kinds of websites have been popular because it allows Christians get to know each other through the innovations of social media and the Internet.

Image

When dating, one must beware of the thorns. “Date, Pray, Wait” is now available on Amazon.com.

Resource: http://www.edenlifemag.com

Are you dating a Shallow Hal?

Image

Shallow Hal

When I dated, I was very self-conscious of being seen in a swimsuit as I didn’t have the Barbie Doll figure and suntan.  I had porcelain white skin with freckles and horrible scar on my leg from a childhood accident. Thank goodness those days are over. New stars of today like Julianne Moore have successfully broken that mold of thinking.

My husband, being 3 years younger than me, made it easier for us to get to know each other on a real level. However, I still didn’t feel comfortable being seen in shorts or shorter skirts that showed my lower legs. When I finally got brave enough to  allow him to see me in a swimsuit and the scar on my leg, he didn’t flinch at all. In fact, I was able to joke about it.

In the movie, Shallow Hal, the guy is hypnotized into seeing every girl he meets  as a supermodel. He meets the girl of his dreams, who is actually 300+ pounds, but he sees her as a gorgeous thin blonde. When the hypnosis wears off, the reality of what she actually looks like hits him in the face.  Hal decides to get hypnotized again in order to accept the love of his life, but then quickly gives up on that idea once he realizes she’s worth loving no matter what she looks like. He loves her for the person she is inside and accepts the person she is on the outside as well.

If you are dating someone at the moment, ask yourself if he can accept you as you really are. Do you feel you need to be something more than what you can be when you are around him? Are you always comparing yourself to other women he has dated before you? Are you afraid of loosing him? This is not how God intended for you to live. The Bible says, “Love is patient, love is kind and love does not demand its own way.” (1 Corinthians 13:1-14) Does the guy you are dating or perhaps engaged to love you this way?

Read about this experience and others in my book “Date, Pray, Wait,” available now on Amazon.com and at londahayden.com.