Author Archives: lshayden

About lshayden

Author of Date, Pray, Wait and The Writer's Anointing. You can learn more about me on my website at

Let go of people who hold you back…


If you are in a relationship that’s not working, let Madea explain this to you.


Get Your Game On



Hopefully you’ve purged yourself of any unwise actions you’ve been doing with your hands which has held you back from being a wise person. In my previous post, I mentioned how the Bible speaks of an unwise woman (person). How with your hands you either build yourself up or tear yourself down. There are so many things we do with our hands. In fact, we do almost everything with our hands. We put on cosmetics and wash our faces. We swipe our debits and credit cards for various purchases. We write emails and text messages to our friends, families, business associates, and sometimes enemies. We pay our bills online or snail mail. We punch in phone numbers on our phones or computers to communicate. We update our social networks through Facebook and Twitter. Are we careful with our words? Or do we simply post random thoughts, not taking into account who might stumble upon them and who might be offended or encouraged by them? With our hands we reach out to give or accept a comforting hug. With our hands we cook and bake to feed our families and entertain friends. With our hands we caress our babies, bath them, and play with them. With our hands we give loving or mean and unkind gestures. We can hit, punch, or knock down someone. We can pull a trigger, shoot an arrow, With our hands we choose which items to buy at the grocery stores. With our hands we smoke and drink, we take drugs, either prescribed or for recreation. With our hands we drive careful or reckless. We take notes and written exams. We help our aging parents to their feet or into their beds. When you think about it, there really isn’t much we don’t do without our hands. We bath and groom ourselves, we clean our homes, mow our lawns, wash our cars, fill them with gas, change a tire or oil.

Thank God for hands. But more than that, we should thank God for the wisdom to use our hands for good and not evil. Aren’t we His hands and feet after all? So let’s be wise in how we use our hands day by day. And if you goof up, forgive yourself and do it right next time. Don’t beat yourself up over it. We all make mistakes. No one is perfect. Give yourself a hug and tell yourself it’s all going to be okay.

If you followed my instructions from the last post to begin the purging process, then you’ve no doubt come to understand yourself a little better. A lot of unnecessary purchases are made through emotional spending. It’s very hard to not want to make yourself feel better by not going shopping or getting a new hair style. Especially if you’ve just come out of a bad relationship. There are other ways to handle this. If you are an emotional spender, which I suspect many of us are myself included, it is smart to have a game plan in place for such times. I say game plan, but it really is more like a preventative medicine plan of action (PMPA). A way to keep yourself from taking a handful of pills to end it all or from getting yourself into massive debt.

Step 1 – Food – yes, I said it – Food. Always eat something you love, but here’s the kicker, only eat a little bit of it. Do you like pie? Eat only a small piece and not the crust. You can have ice cream, but only one scoop in a cup, not a cone.

Step 2 – Drink – Yes, I said that too.  Drink whatever you want. A glass of wine, a cocktail, iced tea, lemonade, whatever you really like. But again, only one. Just enough to get a nice little buzz going and get your happy face on.

Step 3 – Exercise – Yes, you heard me. Now get on the treadmill or go for a walk. Get those endorphins working for you. Endorphins are our friends.

More on developing your Preventative Medicine Plan of Action in a following post. Stay tuned. And don’t forget to check out my book Date Pray Wait. You can get it on Amazon.

New Year’s Eve Date? Yikes!!!


Is having sex with a random stranger really all that great? How awkward, unromantic, and non-committal. (Not to mention the possible STD left behind.) But I guess some people don’t care about all that. They just want the sex or to say they had sex. Chalk another mark up on the bedroom wall. Yeah, you! And just how happy are you with no one to really care about you besides your parents, maybe? No one to even call the day after and ask to go to the movies or out on a ‘real’ date, besides a girlfriend, maybe? How exactly does that work for you? Is “Sex in the City” really the lifestyle you want? If you are a complete control freak, I guess so. In actuality, my guess is you’re a pretty lonely person.

That empty, lonely feeling overwhelms at times. All the sex in the world can’t take that away either. Sex, drugs, or any other worldly substance can only provide a temporary fulfillment and very temporary at that. In the end, you are still left alone with yourself. My guess is the picture you have of yourself at that point isn’t very pretty either. You are left feeling worthless and really tear yourself down. So then you go shopping and spend money you don’t have in order to feel better.

In Proverbs 14:1, the Bible tells us a wise woman builds up her house, while a foolish woman tears hers down with her own hands. A woman who lives by the current trends of this world will only abuse herself even further. With her own hands, she will pull out that credit card and overpay for items she doesn’t need. With her own hands, she will make herself look provocative in order to seduce an unsuspecting soul. With her own hands, she will stuff herself with unhealthy foods.

The question is, are you a wise woman or a foolish one? Are you living in a way that builds you up or are you tearing yourself down with your own hands? You can assess yourself, by watching what you do with your own hands. Keep a daily log for a week or perhaps even a month. How many times did you use a credit card unnecessarily for only wants instead of needs? How many bills could you not pay? How many snacks did you eat? How much money did you put in a vending machine for snacks or sodas? How many times did you primp in front of a mirror with your makeup and hair? How many dates did you go on and didn’t have sex? How many dates did you go on for only the sex? Write beside each item you purchased weather it was a need or want. Then check yes or no, if it built you up or tore you down as a person. The next step is to begin the purging process. This is the part that hurts a little, but it will leave you feeling better about yourself in the long run. Good luck learning to be a wise woman and have a much happier New Year!

Life is not a Fairytale

Dating in today’s world is not like the Disney movies we all grew up with and fantasized about meeting our own Prince Charming someday. That’s just not realistic and not how it happens. Time to come down to earth, put your feet on the ground, and walk in the truth of the moment. Keep Jesus close to your side, and He will lead you in the way you should go. Trust Him and Him alone. He is our true Prince Charming, our Prince of Peace. Only His love can satisfy like none other. And when the time is right, and your heart is ready, He will make your path cross with Mr. Right.

But what if Mr. Right never comes along? What if I never marry? What if God’s will is for me to stay single the rest of my life? I can hear your hearts crying. If you being married is your heart’s desire and that desire has grown, then be assured that desire was given to you by God. Scripture tells us In Psalms 37:4 that He gives us the desires of our hearts. This means God placed that desire inside you to make you willing to prepare yourself for receiving His desires for you. We tend to think about this scripture in a more selfish light as if God’s our magic Genie just waiting to grant us our every wish. But in fact, God is the one who actually instills His desires for you inside your heart for His purpose and glory. Rest assured, if your desire to meet the man of your dreams and get married, it will happen one way or another. Waiting for God’s best is the key to receiving the Prince Charming God intends for you.

“Be still and know He is God.” Psalm 46:10

“Trust in the Lord with all of your heart and He will make your paths straight.”
Proverbs 3:5-6

Watch out for Junk in the Trunk


Ever get into a relationship only to find out the person isn’t who you thought they were at all? Scary isn’t it? A friend of mine recently befriended someone on a popular Christian dating site who sounded wonderful and legit until she received a sudden request for money. Big Red Flag!!! Thank God she was alert enough and had not gotten too emotionally involved. Therefore, she was not so easily deceived. She knew to pull the plug quick and put a stop to all communications immediately. Let this be a warning to you. T. D. Jakes shares this funny video as a visual example.

Why remain pure before marriage?


Why is staying pure before marriage so important to some and not to others? Why is being a virgin on your marriage bed the ultimate sign of purity? I’ve known some girls who were still virgins when they married, yet who did very unpure things with guys they dated; all but the worst nasty act which could have marked them as unclean and shunned in certain circles. Does this mean they are still pure?



What is virginity? Scientifically speaking from a healthcare standpoint, a virgin is one who has never partaken in any sexual act involving entering the vulva area or vagina by a man’s penis, orally or otherwise. For young men, virginity entails total abstinence from entering a woman’s vagina, a man’s anal area, or partaking in oral sex of any kind, weather it be a man or a woman and God forbid anything else. We will not mention the Clinton affair in which oral sex was so misconstrued and created a total misunderstanding of what true sex really is.  

What is Biblical purity? The Bible tells us not to partake in unclean lifestyles which involve all types of sexual immorality. ( Well, there’s a mouthful for ya. Especially in light of today’s so-called standards of morality, which have changed dramatically over the past twenty years. How many Christian couples do you know or have met in recent years who are actually waiting until they marry before having sex? Not many, I can tell you. In fact, I’ve met several Christian couples who are either living together or planning to before they marry. Likewise, many Christian men expect to have sexual relations with the women they date, even without the benefit of being engaged first. Christian women are expecting the same as well. They are simply following the trends of today’s lifestyles and expectations. Although I did hear a recent news report that abstinence before marriage is on the rise now. 

Some couples are fortunate enough to find a compatible mate, which doesn’t seem fair at all for the rest of us who do wait. Nonetheless, we will all be subject and held accountable to the same sovereign God in the end. I think the true issue here is the overall lack of respect for Godliness and not fearing God. So should we trust God for our mate or do we just go our own way and date whoever we want, do whatever we want with them? What difference does it really make in the end? That is the question. 

There are a lot of factors to consider in the long run. Such as, years later into the marriage when children are now involved, what if one partner comes out with the AIDS virus or another sexually transmitted virus which was contracted way back when and lied dormant inside your body? And now, this “playing house before marriage” with multiple lovers until you find ‘the one’ which wasn’t such a big deal then, suddenly becomes a life threatening decease which will effect the lives of your family. That’ll get you on your knees.

Fearing God doesn’t mean you have to be afraid of Him. Rather, it means you respect God and His word, the Bible, enough to do what He commands us to do. Please note, Biblical mandates are not a choice or a list of options. In other words, there are always consequences to our actions. Good old Newton’s law even confirms this. “To every action there is an equal and opposite reaction.” If we choose to act in a way opposite of what God’s word is telling us, then we can expect an equal and opposite reaction from God. And let me tell you from my own personal experience, that ain’t so pretty or fun. Being on God’s bad side isn’t a good place to be. 1 Samuel 15:22 tells us that “…to obey is better than sacrifice.” So what if you still go to church and volunteer for activities? So what if you memorize scriptures and teach Sunday School? So what if you still help the elderly and climb trees to get the neighbor’s cat? Do you really think all that is going to make up for the fact that you didn’t trust God enough in the first place to make Him Lord over your lifestyle and body? Romans 12:2 tells us to “Be not conformed to the ways of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind.” Again, this is a command, not a choice.


What you don’t know will hurt you. So maybe you should read up on God’s way of doing things. Pick up a copy of “Date, Pray, Wait” to help you along the way. You’ll be glad you did. Click Here – to purchase your copy today.

Is Living Together Before Marriage Okay with God?



Many old fashioned one’s such as myself would answer no to this question. Though modern day thinking, even among Christians, is quite the opposite, statistics do show that marriages in which the couples lived together before saying I do show a higher rate of divorce. Why is this? It would make more sense to the common way of thinking that just the opposite would prove true. I think the problem is the ‘common way of thinking.’ As Christians, the Bible says that we are not of this world. We are, in fact, to conduct ourselves opposite this world. Romans 12:1 “And be not conformed to the ways of this world, but be ye transformed…” 



I have a son who recently married at age twenty. Obviously, he was too young, but I could not convince him otherwise. After many long discussions with him and his bride-to-be, we decided to the best thing to do was to support them both. And we did just that. Unfortunately, six months later, my predictions came true, and they are now on the brink of divorce. It hurts to see your children make mistakes. But as an adult, I understand he has the right to make his own mistakes, and I had no choice but to let him. Watching my son standing on the railroad tracks of life while a train headed right for him was very difficult. And watching that train run over him was even worse. Thankfully, it didn’t kill him. So I guess the moral of this story is “What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.” 





In a conversation with a my niece regarding this recent event, she was convinced that she was right for living with her spouse before marriage. We were at the wedding of another niece who had also lived with her spouse before marriage. These two relationships seem to be strong and can hopefully withstand the test of time. I didn’t try to argue with my niece for I knew it would do no good. All I could say was “I’ve been happily married for 27 years now and can speak with the voice of experience. I did not live with my husband before marriage and to be honest, I think it made all the difference in our relationship.” I also said I don’t think the relationships depend on whether you live together before marriage, but rather that you took the time to actually build a lasting friendship. Because true friendship can cover a multitude of sins and forgive those nagging idiosyncrasies we all must learn to live with once we do marry. I guess what this all comes down to is – Where does your personal conviction lie? If you consider yourself to be a Christian, then how far will you allow yourself to go in bending the rules so-to-speak? Do we really have that right to call the shots and put God in our own box or accept Him on our own terms? Is this true obedience? Or does ‘Obeying God’ even apply here? Who are we to tell God which of his laws apply to us and which one’s don’t? Are you willing to take God at His word or not?