Category Archives: Dating Advice

Let go of people who hold you back…

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If you are in a relationship that’s not working, let Madea explain this to you.

Get Your Game On

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Hopefully you’ve purged yourself of any unwise actions you’ve been doing with your hands which has held you back from being a wise person. In my previous post, I mentioned how the Bible speaks of an unwise woman (person). How with your hands you either build yourself up or tear yourself down. There are so many things we do with our hands. In fact, we do almost everything with our hands. We put on cosmetics and wash our faces. We swipe our debits and credit cards for various purchases. We write emails and text messages to our friends, families, business associates, and sometimes enemies. We pay our bills online or snail mail. We punch in phone numbers on our phones or computers to communicate. We update our social networks through Facebook and Twitter. Are we careful with our words? Or do we simply post random thoughts, not taking into account who might stumble upon them and who might be offended or encouraged by them? With our hands we reach out to give or accept a comforting hug. With our hands we cook and bake to feed our families and entertain friends. With our hands we caress our babies, bath them, and play with them. With our hands we give loving or mean and unkind gestures. We can hit, punch, or knock down someone. We can pull a trigger, shoot an arrow, With our hands we choose which items to buy at the grocery stores. With our hands we smoke and drink, we take drugs, either prescribed or for recreation. With our hands we drive careful or reckless. We take notes and written exams. We help our aging parents to their feet or into their beds. When you think about it, there really isn’t much we don’t do without our hands. We bath and groom ourselves, we clean our homes, mow our lawns, wash our cars, fill them with gas, change a tire or oil.

Thank God for hands. But more than that, we should thank God for the wisdom to use our hands for good and not evil. Aren’t we His hands and feet after all? So let’s be wise in how we use our hands day by day. And if you goof up, forgive yourself and do it right next time. Don’t beat yourself up over it. We all make mistakes. No one is perfect. Give yourself a hug and tell yourself it’s all going to be okay.

If you followed my instructions from the last post to begin the purging process, then you’ve no doubt come to understand yourself a little better. A lot of unnecessary purchases are made through emotional spending. It’s very hard to not want to make yourself feel better by not going shopping or getting a new hair style. Especially if you’ve just come out of a bad relationship. There are other ways to handle this. If you are an emotional spender, which I suspect many of us are myself included, it is smart to have a game plan in place for such times. I say game plan, but it really is more like a preventative medicine plan of action (PMPA). A way to keep yourself from taking a handful of pills to end it all or from getting yourself into massive debt.

Step 1 – Food – yes, I said it – Food. Always eat something you love, but here’s the kicker, only eat a little bit of it. Do you like pie? Eat only a small piece and not the crust. You can have ice cream, but only one scoop in a cup, not a cone.

Step 2 – Drink – Yes, I said that too.  Drink whatever you want. A glass of wine, a cocktail, iced tea, lemonade, whatever you really like. But again, only one. Just enough to get a nice little buzz going and get your happy face on.

Step 3 – Exercise – Yes, you heard me. Now get on the treadmill or go for a walk. Get those endorphins working for you. Endorphins are our friends.

More on developing your Preventative Medicine Plan of Action in a following post. Stay tuned. And don’t forget to check out my book Date Pray Wait. You can get it on Amazon.

New Year’s Eve Date? Yikes!!!

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Is having sex with a random stranger really all that great? How awkward, unromantic, and non-committal. (Not to mention the possible STD left behind.) But I guess some people don’t care about all that. They just want the sex or to say they had sex. Chalk another mark up on the bedroom wall. Yeah, you! And just how happy are you with no one to really care about you besides your parents, maybe? No one to even call the day after and ask to go to the movies or out on a ‘real’ date, besides a girlfriend, maybe? How exactly does that work for you? Is “Sex in the City” really the lifestyle you want? If you are a complete control freak, I guess so. In actuality, my guess is you’re a pretty lonely person.

That empty, lonely feeling overwhelms at times. All the sex in the world can’t take that away either. Sex, drugs, or any other worldly substance can only provide a temporary fulfillment and very temporary at that. In the end, you are still left alone with yourself. My guess is the picture you have of yourself at that point isn’t very pretty either. You are left feeling worthless and really tear yourself down. So then you go shopping and spend money you don’t have in order to feel better.

In Proverbs 14:1, the Bible tells us a wise woman builds up her house, while a foolish woman tears hers down with her own hands. A woman who lives by the current trends of this world will only abuse herself even further. With her own hands, she will pull out that credit card and overpay for items she doesn’t need. With her own hands, she will make herself look provocative in order to seduce an unsuspecting soul. With her own hands, she will stuff herself with unhealthy foods.

The question is, are you a wise woman or a foolish one? Are you living in a way that builds you up or are you tearing yourself down with your own hands? You can assess yourself, by watching what you do with your own hands. Keep a daily log for a week or perhaps even a month. How many times did you use a credit card unnecessarily for only wants instead of needs? How many bills could you not pay? How many snacks did you eat? How much money did you put in a vending machine for snacks or sodas? How many times did you primp in front of a mirror with your makeup and hair? How many dates did you go on and didn’t have sex? How many dates did you go on for only the sex? Write beside each item you purchased weather it was a need or want. Then check yes or no, if it built you up or tore you down as a person. The next step is to begin the purging process. This is the part that hurts a little, but it will leave you feeling better about yourself in the long run. Good luck learning to be a wise woman and have a much happier New Year!

Life is not a Fairytale

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Dating in today’s world is not like the Disney movies we all grew up with and fantasized about meeting our own Prince Charming someday. That’s just not realistic and not how it happens. Time to come down to earth, put your feet on the ground, and walk in the truth of the moment. Keep Jesus close to your side, and He will lead you in the way you should go. Trust Him and Him alone. He is our true Prince Charming, our Prince of Peace. Only His love can satisfy like none other. And when the time is right, and your heart is ready, He will make your path cross with Mr. Right.

But what if Mr. Right never comes along? What if I never marry? What if God’s will is for me to stay single the rest of my life? I can hear your hearts crying. If you being married is your heart’s desire and that desire has grown, then be assured that desire was given to you by God. Scripture tells us In Psalms 37:4 that He gives us the desires of our hearts. This means God placed that desire inside you to make you willing to prepare yourself for receiving His desires for you. We tend to think about this scripture in a more selfish light as if God’s our magic Genie just waiting to grant us our every wish. But in fact, God is the one who actually instills His desires for you inside your heart for His purpose and glory. Rest assured, if your desire to meet the man of your dreams and get married, it will happen one way or another. Waiting for God’s best is the key to receiving the Prince Charming God intends for you.

“Be still and know He is God.” Psalm 46:10

“Trust in the Lord with all of your heart and He will make your paths straight.”
Proverbs 3:5-6

Watch out for Junk in the Trunk

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Ever get into a relationship only to find out the person isn’t who you thought they were at all? Scary isn’t it? A friend of mine recently befriended someone on a popular Christian dating site who sounded wonderful and legit until she received a sudden request for money. Big Red Flag!!! Thank God she was alert enough and had not gotten too emotionally involved. Therefore, she was not so easily deceived. She knew to pull the plug quick and put a stop to all communications immediately. Let this be a warning to you. T. D. Jakes shares this funny video as a visual example.

Duck Dynasty Reveals Treasures of “Big O”

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Duck Dynasty

Here is a great video with Jase Robertson and his wife, Missy, from Duck Dynasty

K-Love Interview with Jase & Missy Robertson

Interesting to note is the fact that Jase and Missy report to have been virgins when they married. This is very rare anymore in our society today. However, this is a great testament to God‘s faithfulness to honor those who are brave enough to follow Him in obedience. I refer to this as the “Big O” factor, which should not be confused with the more commonly known of counterpart.  

Understanding true happiness and how one experiences it is just one of the many treasures revealed in this video. 

For more on the “Big O” factor, pick up a copy of “Date, Pray, Wait,” available now on Amazon, Barnes & Noble, and ebook formats.  

 

Taking it to the next level???

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When God gives us so much, is it right for us to expect more?

Let’s say you are finally in a long awaited relationship you’ve always dreamed of, and the time has come for both of you to take it to the next level. What does that next level really mean?

In today’s terms, it usually involves more than just second base. In fact, many young people accept the expectation of sexual activity to be a given once a relationship has reached a certain stage. However, the Bible instructs us not to conform to the ways of this world. Premarital sex should never be a pre-requisite for marital consideration. I can hear many of you laughing at this suggestion. But before you poo poo chivalry away completely, please keep in mind, I am not the one who made these rules. These are actually God’s commands to Christians. And as a Christian, you should be more than willing to follow His will over that of your own or the one you are dating.

This requires the willingness to take a risk at loosing what you thought was true love. But if this person you have grown so fond of does not respect your values, then who is he/she to tell you otherwise? In fact, you should question weather or not they have a genuine relationship with Christ at all.

So what should taking it to the next level really look like for a Christian?

A simple verbal commitment to date me exclusively was all I needed to confirm he really cared for me. It let me know he was seriously considering a future with me as his wife. Anything less than that was a total waste of my time and his, and I did not hesitate to let him know this. If he wasn’t seriously looking for a wife, then forget it. I was not going to be his booty call or a one night stand. I was not going to lower my standards only to be referred to as a good hook up either. Once that one piece of commitment was made clear, I was not afraid to open up to him at all. And a kiss or two was enjoyed as well.

Limitations are good.

Waiting to give yourself freely to the love of your life without guilt or hesitation is worth a little sacrifice in the beginning. Keeping healthy boundaries all the way through the process will only serve to enhance the experience and make the relationship more meaningful in the long run.

Remember who you are…

You are a joint heir with Christ and a child of God. You are worth the wait. Remember, the man you marry should love you even as Christ loved the church. This means, he should love you enough to be willing to die for you. I know that sounds radical, but that’s exactly the way God intended for a man to love his wife and vise-versa. A woman should love her husband enough to be willing to wait and give herself to him at the appointed time and season which God has already planned for you. Hold true to yourself and your beliefs and never feel you must compromise them one bit in order to get a guy to marry you.

To learn more about how to get a guy to marry you without sleeping with him first, pick up a copy of  “Date, Pray, Wait,” available on this site, in bookstores, online at Amazon.com and in ebook format.