If you are in a relationship that’s not working, let Madea explain this to you.
Is having sex with a random stranger really all that great? How awkward, unromantic, and non-committal. (Not to mention the possible STD left behind.) But I guess some people don’t care about all that. They just want the sex or to say they had sex. Chalk another mark up on the bedroom wall. Yeah, you! And just how happy are you with no one to really care about you besides your parents, maybe? No one to even call the day after and ask to go to the movies or out on a ‘real’ date, besides a girlfriend, maybe? How exactly does that work for you? Is “Sex in the City” really the lifestyle you want? If you are a complete control freak, I guess so. In actuality, my guess is you’re a pretty lonely person.
That empty, lonely feeling overwhelms at times. All the sex in the world can’t take that away either. Sex, drugs, or any other worldly substance can only provide a temporary fulfillment and very temporary at that. In the end, you are still left alone with yourself. My guess is the picture you have of yourself at that point isn’t very pretty either. You are left feeling worthless and really tear yourself down. So then you go shopping and spend money you don’t have in order to feel better.
In Proverbs 14:1, the Bible tells us a wise woman builds up her house, while a foolish woman tears hers down with her own hands. A woman who lives by the current trends of this world will only abuse herself even further. With her own hands, she will pull out that credit card and overpay for items she doesn’t need. With her own hands, she will make herself look provocative in order to seduce an unsuspecting soul. With her own hands, she will stuff herself with unhealthy foods.
The question is, are you a wise woman or a foolish one? Are you living in a way that builds you up or are you tearing yourself down with your own hands? You can assess yourself, by watching what you do with your own hands. Keep a daily log for a week or perhaps even a month. How many times did you use a credit card unnecessarily for only wants instead of needs? How many bills could you not pay? How many snacks did you eat? How much money did you put in a vending machine for snacks or sodas? How many times did you primp in front of a mirror with your makeup and hair? How many dates did you go on and didn’t have sex? How many dates did you go on for only the sex? Write beside each item you purchased weather it was a need or want. Then check yes or no, if it built you up or tore you down as a person. The next step is to begin the purging process. This is the part that hurts a little, but it will leave you feeling better about yourself in the long run. Good luck learning to be a wise woman and have a much happier New Year!
But what if Mr. Right never comes along? What if I never marry? What if God’s will is for me to stay single the rest of my life? I can hear your hearts crying. If you being married is your heart’s desire and that desire has grown, then be assured that desire was given to you by God. Scripture tells us In Psalms 37:4 that He gives us the desires of our hearts. This means God placed that desire inside you to make you willing to prepare yourself for receiving His desires for you. We tend to think about this scripture in a more selfish light as if God’s our magic Genie just waiting to grant us our every wish. But in fact, God is the one who actually instills His desires for you inside your heart for His purpose and glory. Rest assured, if your desire to meet the man of your dreams and get married, it will happen one way or another. Waiting for God’s best is the key to receiving the Prince Charming God intends for you.
“Be still and know He is God.” Psalm 46:10
“Trust in the Lord with all of your heart and He will make your paths straight.”
Ever get into a relationship only to find out the person isn’t who you thought they were at all? Scary isn’t it? A friend of mine recently befriended someone on a popular Christian dating site who sounded wonderful and legit until she received a sudden request for money. Big Red Flag!!! Thank God she was alert enough and had not gotten too emotionally involved. Therefore, she was not so easily deceived. She knew to pull the plug quick and put a stop to all communications immediately. Let this be a warning to you. T. D. Jakes shares this funny video as a visual example.
Let’s say you are finally in a long awaited relationship you’ve always dreamed of, and the time has come for both of you to take it to the next level. What does that next level really mean?
In today’s terms, it usually involves more than just second base. In fact, many young people accept the expectation of sexual activity to be a given once a relationship has reached a certain stage. However, the Bible instructs us not to conform to the ways of this world. Premarital sex should never be a pre-requisite for marital consideration. I can hear many of you laughing at this suggestion. But before you poo poo chivalry away completely, please keep in mind, I am not the one who made these rules. These are actually God’s commands to Christians. And as a Christian, you should be more than willing to follow His will over that of your own or the one you are dating.
This requires the willingness to take a risk at loosing what you thought was true love. But if this person you have grown so fond of does not respect your values, then who is he/she to tell you otherwise? In fact, you should question weather or not they have a genuine relationship with Christ at all.
So what should taking it to the next level really look like for a Christian?
A simple verbal commitment to date me exclusively was all I needed to confirm he really cared for me. It let me know he was seriously considering a future with me as his wife. Anything less than that was a total waste of my time and his, and I did not hesitate to let him know this. If he wasn’t seriously looking for a wife, then forget it. I was not going to be his booty call or a one night stand. I was not going to lower my standards only to be referred to as a good hook up either. Once that one piece of commitment was made clear, I was not afraid to open up to him at all. And a kiss or two was enjoyed as well.
Limitations are good.
Waiting to give yourself freely to the love of your life without guilt or hesitation is worth a little sacrifice in the beginning. Keeping healthy boundaries all the way through the process will only serve to enhance the experience and make the relationship more meaningful in the long run.
Remember who you are…
You are a joint heir with Christ and a child of God. You are worth the wait. Remember, the man you marry should love you even as Christ loved the church. This means, he should love you enough to be willing to die for you. I know that sounds radical, but that’s exactly the way God intended for a man to love his wife and vise-versa. A woman should love her husband enough to be willing to wait and give herself to him at the appointed time and season which God has already planned for you. Hold true to yourself and your beliefs and never feel you must compromise them one bit in order to get a guy to marry you.
To learn more about how to get a guy to marry you without sleeping with him first, pick up a copy of “Date, Pray, Wait,” available on this site, in bookstores, online at Amazon.com and in ebook format.
Be not dismayed if a date never calls you again or if a long time relationship does not work out. Or perhaps a divorce is upon you now. God is ever ready to take up where that person has failed you. You’re a pretty special person to Him anyway. He doesn’t like it when one of His own gets hurt or is left feeling worthless or not good enough.
Trust me – You are way more than just good enough!
He has a special someone already picked out for you–Himself. Yes, you might say our Heavenly Father believes in arranged marriage. He pre-arranges everything and orchestrates our lives right down to the smallest detail. If we choose to follow Him, listen to Him, and move in the direction we sense Him drawing us, then we will be right in line with His will and His way. Pray for God to order your steps in the way He wants you to go and to give you those divine encounters that only He can bring to pass. You might just be amazed at who you meet and where; sometimes in the most unexpected places.
“I am the vine; you are the branches. If a man remains in me and I in him, he will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing.” John 15:5, NIV
For those of you who are struggling through a divorce or a break up, it’s time now to allow Christ to be your Knight in shining armor. He’s ready to sweep you off your feet and carry you away on His steed of righteousness.
The key is to “Remain in Him.”
For more about how to make Christ your Knight in shining armor, you can purchase a copy of “Date, Pray, Wait” available now on Amazon.com and this website.
My next book signing is coming up soon. If you are anywhere near Millington, TN, which is just north of Memphis, please make every effort to get there. I would love to meet you.
September 8 – Signing
Apple Garth Books (1:00-2:00)
8507 Hwy 51, Ste. 103
This is a great little bookstore which has been in Millington for a while now. We want to help keep our bookstores in business. So come on by and make a purchase. Any purchase will do. I’ll just be happy to see your faces come through that door. They also trade books, so bring your old books and get credit for new ones.