Tag Archives: Christian Dating

Life is not a Fairytale

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Dating in today’s world is not like the Disney movies we all grew up with and fantasized about meeting our own Prince Charming someday. That’s just not realistic and not how it happens. Time to come down to earth, put your feet on the ground, and walk in the truth of the moment. Keep Jesus close to your side, and He will lead you in the way you should go. Trust Him and Him alone. He is our true Prince Charming, our Prince of Peace. Only His love can satisfy like none other. And when the time is right, and your heart is ready, He will make your path cross with Mr. Right.

But what if Mr. Right never comes along? What if I never marry? What if God’s will is for me to stay single the rest of my life? I can hear your hearts crying. If you being married is your heart’s desire and that desire has grown, then be assured that desire was given to you by God. Scripture tells us In Psalms 37:4 that He gives us the desires of our hearts. This means God placed that desire inside you to make you willing to prepare yourself for receiving His desires for you. We tend to think about this scripture in a more selfish light as if God’s our magic Genie just waiting to grant us our every wish. But in fact, God is the one who actually instills His desires for you inside your heart for His purpose and glory. Rest assured, if your desire to meet the man of your dreams and get married, it will happen one way or another. Waiting for God’s best is the key to receiving the Prince Charming God intends for you.

“Be still and know He is God.” Psalm 46:10

“Trust in the Lord with all of your heart and He will make your paths straight.”
Proverbs 3:5-6

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Why remain pure before marriage?

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Why is staying pure before marriage so important to some and not to others? Why is being a virgin on your marriage bed the ultimate sign of purity? I’ve known some girls who were still virgins when they married, yet who did very unpure things with guys they dated; all but the worst nasty act which could have marked them as unclean and shunned in certain circles. Does this mean they are still pure?

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What is virginity? Scientifically speaking from a healthcare standpoint, a virgin is one who has never partaken in any sexual act involving entering the vulva area or vagina by a man’s penis, orally or otherwise. For young men, virginity entails total abstinence from entering a woman’s vagina, a man’s anal area, or partaking in oral sex of any kind, weather it be a man or a woman and God forbid anything else. We will not mention the Clinton affair in which oral sex was so misconstrued and created a total misunderstanding of what true sex really is.  

What is Biblical purity? The Bible tells us not to partake in unclean lifestyles which involve all types of sexual immorality. (http://christianity.about.com/od/Bible-Verses/a/Sexual-Sin.htm) Well, there’s a mouthful for ya. Especially in light of today’s so-called standards of morality, which have changed dramatically over the past twenty years. How many Christian couples do you know or have met in recent years who are actually waiting until they marry before having sex? Not many, I can tell you. In fact, I’ve met several Christian couples who are either living together or planning to before they marry. Likewise, many Christian men expect to have sexual relations with the women they date, even without the benefit of being engaged first. Christian women are expecting the same as well. They are simply following the trends of today’s lifestyles and expectations. Although I did hear a recent news report that abstinence before marriage is on the rise now. 

Some couples are fortunate enough to find a compatible mate, which doesn’t seem fair at all for the rest of us who do wait. Nonetheless, we will all be subject and held accountable to the same sovereign God in the end. I think the true issue here is the overall lack of respect for Godliness and not fearing God. So should we trust God for our mate or do we just go our own way and date whoever we want, do whatever we want with them? What difference does it really make in the end? That is the question. 

There are a lot of factors to consider in the long run. Such as, years later into the marriage when children are now involved, what if one partner comes out with the AIDS virus or another sexually transmitted virus which was contracted way back when and lied dormant inside your body? And now, this “playing house before marriage” with multiple lovers until you find ‘the one’ which wasn’t such a big deal then, suddenly becomes a life threatening decease which will effect the lives of your family. That’ll get you on your knees.

Fearing God doesn’t mean you have to be afraid of Him. Rather, it means you respect God and His word, the Bible, enough to do what He commands us to do. Please note, Biblical mandates are not a choice or a list of options. In other words, there are always consequences to our actions. Good old Newton’s law even confirms this. “To every action there is an equal and opposite reaction.” If we choose to act in a way opposite of what God’s word is telling us, then we can expect an equal and opposite reaction from God. And let me tell you from my own personal experience, that ain’t so pretty or fun. Being on God’s bad side isn’t a good place to be. 1 Samuel 15:22 tells us that “…to obey is better than sacrifice.” So what if you still go to church and volunteer for activities? So what if you memorize scriptures and teach Sunday School? So what if you still help the elderly and climb trees to get the neighbor’s cat? Do you really think all that is going to make up for the fact that you didn’t trust God enough in the first place to make Him Lord over your lifestyle and body? Romans 12:2 tells us to “Be not conformed to the ways of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind.” Again, this is a command, not a choice.

 

What you don’t know will hurt you. So maybe you should read up on God’s way of doing things. Pick up a copy of “Date, Pray, Wait” to help you along the way. You’ll be glad you did. Click Here – to purchase your copy today.

Is Living Together Before Marriage Okay with God?

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Many old fashioned one’s such as myself would answer no to this question. Though modern day thinking, even among Christians, is quite the opposite, statistics do show that marriages in which the couples lived together before saying I do show a higher rate of divorce. Why is this? It would make more sense to the common way of thinking that just the opposite would prove true. I think the problem is the ‘common way of thinking.’ As Christians, the Bible says that we are not of this world. We are, in fact, to conduct ourselves opposite this world. Romans 12:1 “And be not conformed to the ways of this world, but be ye transformed…” 

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I have a son who recently married at age twenty. Obviously, he was too young, but I could not convince him otherwise. After many long discussions with him and his bride-to-be, we decided to the best thing to do was to support them both. And we did just that. Unfortunately, six months later, my predictions came true, and they are now on the brink of divorce. It hurts to see your children make mistakes. But as an adult, I understand he has the right to make his own mistakes, and I had no choice but to let him. Watching my son standing on the railroad tracks of life while a train headed right for him was very difficult. And watching that train run over him was even worse. Thankfully, it didn’t kill him. So I guess the moral of this story is “What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.” 

 

 

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In a conversation with a my niece regarding this recent event, she was convinced that she was right for living with her spouse before marriage. We were at the wedding of another niece who had also lived with her spouse before marriage. These two relationships seem to be strong and can hopefully withstand the test of time. I didn’t try to argue with my niece for I knew it would do no good. All I could say was “I’ve been happily married for 27 years now and can speak with the voice of experience. I did not live with my husband before marriage and to be honest, I think it made all the difference in our relationship.” I also said I don’t think the relationships depend on whether you live together before marriage, but rather that you took the time to actually build a lasting friendship. Because true friendship can cover a multitude of sins and forgive those nagging idiosyncrasies we all must learn to live with once we do marry. I guess what this all comes down to is – Where does your personal conviction lie? If you consider yourself to be a Christian, then how far will you allow yourself to go in bending the rules so-to-speak? Do we really have that right to call the shots and put God in our own box or accept Him on our own terms? Is this true obedience? Or does ‘Obeying God’ even apply here? Who are we to tell God which of his laws apply to us and which one’s don’t? Are you willing to take God at His word or not? 

The Perfect Man Changes Drastically as They Age

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Have you ever looked back at an ex-boyfriend and asked, how did I ever date that person when we were so obviously incompatible

It’s not necessarily that you were incompatible…then. According to a survey conducted by Match.com over the past year, your tastes have simply changed over the years.

Is your family keeping you single? 

Men must possess certain qualities to be considered “the perfect man,” and those parameters change drastically as women age. In the survey, called “The Ages of Man,” what women want from their relationships with men is broken down according to age range. 

“[The research] also disproves the notion that standards drop later in life, as women over 55 were shown to be most picky about who they date,” a Match UK rep told Yahoo! Shine. 

The results of the study are summarized below. You can see the full study results here

Age 18-24: 

Women’s main concern in their late teens and early twenties is that their partner gets along with their friends. “47 percent said they would look for a relationship with someone their friends would approve of.” 

“This is a very relational social time in a female’s life. I refer to it as the ‘fit into me’ stage. Women want men who will fit in to their lives,” Dr. Karen Ruskin, a licensed marriage and family psychotherapist, told Yahoo! Shine. “A key way to fit in is to be viewed positively by one’s social network, and to have shared interests. It is less about future and more about what feels good right now.” 

Also, women this age are far more likely to date a man in better physical shape than them, but shared tastes in “books, music, and film,” are extremely important. 

Age 25-34: 

At this stage in their lives most women are focused on their careers, but physical attraction and sexual compatibility are most important. They also consider a man’s level of “ambition” to be important. Two-thirds of surveyed in this age group say this is a key trait. 

“This is the ‘can you add value or will you take-eth away’ stage. Women are starting to think about having kids someday and they certainly do not want a man who is mooching off of them,” Dr. Ruskin explains. “They want someone who can be a partner with them so that their children can have the life they want their children to have, and so that they can have the lives they want to have.” 

Age 35-44: 

Older men
 become more attractive to women in their late thirties and early forties, according to the study. This could be because they are looking to settle down and start a family, says Dr. Ruskin. “Women are mindful of their biological clocks ticking, which is why they want someone established, stable, and successful.” They are no longer dating for attractiveness, for fun and to see where it goes, or for social fit with friends, she says. 

According to the study, “73 percent said they would be willing to date someone more than five years their senior,” and a man’s manners at this age is essential. “Less than one percent of the women surveyed said they would date a man with bad manners.” 

This article was contributed by Jessica Ferri. For more about this survey, click here.

Add to these facts, Christian character and faith in God and this is what a Christian woman would consider to be a perfect mate. I met a woman, age 35, still single, Christian and waiting on God for a husband. She confessed to having lived with a guy for years, thinking he was the one. There was an obvious compromise in their relationship, which did not help either of them in their spiritual growth. I shared with this younger woman how I had to learn that God’s ways are not the world’s ways. Once I honored God with obedience in following His ways and not my own, He brought my husband into my life. I sensed she walked away encouraged. If you long for a husband and truly want to please God in your life, you too can learn God’s ways. “Date, Pray, Wait” is a quick easy read with 10 chapters and discussions questions, which you may want to go over with a couple of friends as you read through it. Pick up a copy today, click here. 

And on a date she shall go …

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Are you finally back in the swing of dating again after a long hiatus?  Say you recently went through a very trying divorce and have finally reached recovery mode. All the same, you are hesitant to jump back into a relationship and understandably so. Who knows what wolves in sheep’s clothing might be lurking about in the scary forest of betrayal?  But, Little Red Riding Hood doesn’t have to go it alone. No! She can and should have an armory hidden inside her basket of goodies ready to blast away any lurching enemies.

And I’m not just talking about condoms or birth control here, Ladies and gentlemen. Although I am not blinded to the fact that many Christian women and men who are dating do engage in pre-marital sex. This is no secret by clergy either. However, keep in mind that if you do involve yourself physically with someone in a “Hook Up” relationship, you are at risk not only of STD’s but of spiritual separation from God. Is this kind of dangerous behavior really worth it?

The armory I speak of is more of the spiritual kind. Arming yourself with the Word of God, the breast plate of righteousness, and the sword of the Spirit will keep your heart and mind in a safe place. That’s not to say the person you go out with will be doing or thinking the same way. Hopefully, you will be dating other Christian people who have like-minded ideology such as yourself. But, there are those few exceptions when people whom you think are one way turn out to be another way entirely. They have arterial motives which catch you off guard.

Be not afraid. God always provides a way of escape. It is wise to have a backup plan in place for this very reason. Mace or pepper spray is helpful, but even better, prayer. Also, always have your cell phone handy to make a 911 call, or if things are not exactly at that kind of emergency level though they might be for you, at least have a trusted friend on call to come get you or money for cab fare.

Another issue that could arise might involve exposing too much too soon about yourself to another person who may not be ready for it yet. A date is supposed to be light and fun. You’ve had too much heavy laden problems weighing you down so allow yourself to enjoy life again. I give you permission, if that is what you need.

Sometimes you just need to go with the flow and let hope float again. 

Enjoy dating and remember when you honor God in obedience, you honor yourself.

For more information on dating, download or buy a copy of  “Date, Pray, Wait.”  Available on this website, Amazon, Nook, and on the author website at http://londahayden.com.

Distinguishing Values

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For helpful hints on improving your self-image, pick up a copy of “Date, Pray, Wait” available on this website, Amazon.com, Nook, and ebook formats. 

Dating Infatuation Flops

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Sometimes girls and guys can be a bit needy when it comes to dating. Especially, if one hasn’t dated in a very long time. This can lead to perilous times ahead, if not approaching a potential date with care. It’s just too easy to get overly excited and fall prey to an inflated infatuation of someone who hasn’t even said hello to you yet. This is what happens to Mary, played by Sandra Bullock, in “All About Steve.”  Unfortunately, Mary gets pushed away, but doesn’t take the very obvious hints. Through her well-meaning efforts, she finds her self in peril but yet still manages to end up hero of the day. She doesn’t get her man in the end, but he does come to respect her and admire her. He turns from his “Shallow Hal” ways and comes to understand women in a whole new light.

Many times during my own dating experiences, I too fell victim to the overzealous expectations of a first date. Poor guy didn’t know what was about to hit him. All the same, I learned from my mistakes. And most times those mistakes actually turned things around for the best of all involved. My own ego was tempered as the reality of the situation settled my mind and the pitter-patter of my heart.

It’s hard not to grasp hold of that long awaited dream to finally have your own Mr. Right, the love of your life, walk into your life. Remember that love takes time to build that mutual respect and friendship. Patience truly is a virtue when it comes to love. Waiting for the right one to come along and then waiting for him to make that first move is equally difficult at times.

Then there are those of us who seem to have been waiting way too long for our supposed Mr. Right to actually pop the question. Is he serious about this relationship or not? It’s been how many years now? I was invited to a church to sing once where a woman showed up wearing a wedding dress with three children in tow. When I saw two other women carrying in a wedding cake, it became obvious that her family was prepared for an impromptu wedding. The preacher and his wife knew the couple well and asked me to sing a wedding song. “Just sing anything you know off the top of your head, we’ve been waiting for this one for a long time,” the preacher’s wife explained. Then suddenly, in walked the groom, in a stiff robotic fashion with flattened brows, dressed in a rented blue and pink tuxedo and the wedding commenced. It was hilarious, in retrospect, how this mother of three children had finally coaxed the father into marrying her. Even so, it was also a shame that the children did not have the benefit of knowing their parents in a committed relationship before then. I wondered how this might ultimately effect their outlook on marriage in the future.

Than again, I’ve had friends who dated less than six weeks before they got engaged. Yes, sometimes those whirlwind romances really work. For me, however, I needed more time to know for sure. It took a few months for my husband and I to even start talking about marriage. After a year of dating, he asked for my hand in marriage. By then, I was clearly anticipating that very special moment.

In I Corinthians 13 (The Love Chapter), the Bible tells us that ” … Love is patient, love is kind … love does not demand its own way.” When you meet who you think is Mr. or Mrs. Right, remember to be patient and wait on the Lord to bring confirmation. It is by God’s peace that you will know if this person is the right one for you or not.

Be willing to wait on God for His best for you.

For more on dating, check out  “Date, Pray, Wait” in stores now. Available on this blog site, Amazon.com, and in all ebook formats.