If you are in a relationship that’s not working, let Madea explain this to you.
Hopefully you’ve purged yourself of any unwise actions you’ve been doing with your hands which has held you back from being a wise person. In my previous post, I mentioned how the Bible speaks of an unwise woman (person). How with your hands you either build yourself up or tear yourself down. There are so many things we do with our hands. In fact, we do almost everything with our hands. We put on cosmetics and wash our faces. We swipe our debits and credit cards for various purchases. We write emails and text messages to our friends, families, business associates, and sometimes enemies. We pay our bills online or snail mail. We punch in phone numbers on our phones or computers to communicate. We update our social networks through Facebook and Twitter. Are we careful with our words? Or do we simply post random thoughts, not taking into account who might stumble upon them and who might be offended or encouraged by them? With our hands we reach out to give or accept a comforting hug. With our hands we cook and bake to feed our families and entertain friends. With our hands we caress our babies, bath them, and play with them. With our hands we give loving or mean and unkind gestures. We can hit, punch, or knock down someone. We can pull a trigger, shoot an arrow, With our hands we choose which items to buy at the grocery stores. With our hands we smoke and drink, we take drugs, either prescribed or for recreation. With our hands we drive careful or reckless. We take notes and written exams. We help our aging parents to their feet or into their beds. When you think about it, there really isn’t much we don’t do without our hands. We bath and groom ourselves, we clean our homes, mow our lawns, wash our cars, fill them with gas, change a tire or oil.
Thank God for hands. But more than that, we should thank God for the wisdom to use our hands for good and not evil. Aren’t we His hands and feet after all? So let’s be wise in how we use our hands day by day. And if you goof up, forgive yourself and do it right next time. Don’t beat yourself up over it. We all make mistakes. No one is perfect. Give yourself a hug and tell yourself it’s all going to be okay.
If you followed my instructions from the last post to begin the purging process, then you’ve no doubt come to understand yourself a little better. A lot of unnecessary purchases are made through emotional spending. It’s very hard to not want to make yourself feel better by not going shopping or getting a new hair style. Especially if you’ve just come out of a bad relationship. There are other ways to handle this. If you are an emotional spender, which I suspect many of us are myself included, it is smart to have a game plan in place for such times. I say game plan, but it really is more like a preventative medicine plan of action (PMPA). A way to keep yourself from taking a handful of pills to end it all or from getting yourself into massive debt.
Step 1 – Food – yes, I said it – Food. Always eat something you love, but here’s the kicker, only eat a little bit of it. Do you like pie? Eat only a small piece and not the crust. You can have ice cream, but only one scoop in a cup, not a cone.
Step 2 – Drink – Yes, I said that too. Drink whatever you want. A glass of wine, a cocktail, iced tea, lemonade, whatever you really like. But again, only one. Just enough to get a nice little buzz going and get your happy face on.
Step 3 – Exercise – Yes, you heard me. Now get on the treadmill or go for a walk. Get those endorphins working for you. Endorphins are our friends.
More on developing your Preventative Medicine Plan of Action in a following post. Stay tuned. And don’t forget to check out my book Date Pray Wait. You can get it on Amazon.
My next book signing is coming up soon. If you are anywhere near Millington, TN, which is just north of Memphis, please make every effort to get there. I would love to meet you.
September 8 – Signing
Apple Garth Books (1:00-2:00)
8507 Hwy 51, Ste. 103
This is a great little bookstore which has been in Millington for a while now. We want to help keep our bookstores in business. So come on by and make a purchase. Any purchase will do. I’ll just be happy to see your faces come through that door. They also trade books, so bring your old books and get credit for new ones.
When preparing to go out with someone on a first time date, there are a few rules to be considered.
What rules apply here?
1. Go someplace public, yet private enough to have a conversation.
2. Dress appropriately, not seductively.
3. Talk on general topics only. It is not time to get too personal just yet.
4. Don’t do all the talking. Make sure to listen and give equal time in sharing with each other.
5. Respect the other person’s point of view on a matter even if they don’t agree, yet share your difference of opinion in a cordial and non-intimidating manner.
These are just a few important factors to consider when going on a first date. As time progresses and you decide to continue dating someone, then it’s time to set some safety zones in place. Be sure to do this in a non-threatening way and handle it with care. You don’t want to come across as a mother hen or a teacher. You are an equal, who only wants to set healthy boundaries at the get-go in order to prevent hurtful situations from occurring. When handled correctly, this step can make a huge difference in the quality of the relationship during the developmental stages.
How does one approach setting boundaries?
1. Sharing your personal faith in Jesus Christ is very important at this point. However, you don’t want to force your beliefs on anyone. If this is a second date, you may have covered this introductory element during your first date. Assuming you are both Christians, this should easily lead into the various levels of integrity integrated into whatever Christian belief you happen to follow according to codes of conduct and Christian morals.
2. If you are still at the point of just having fun together, then no rush. Even so, you want to share this important part of your life as soon as possible in order to protect yourself from getting too caught up in an infatuation with the other individual. Otherwise, you may suffer a sudden deflation and disappointment once your personal beliefs are disclosed.
3. Equally important, is to inquire about any sexual orientation issues both past and present. It is not fair to either party to carry on as if you are interested in a lifetime partnership when you know or suspect otherwise. Do not allow yourself to be blindsided on this one; you could end up devastated. Also, certain health issues may arise that could threaten your own personal well being and future.
4. Don’t look at a date as a possible future business transaction, while trying to make a sales pitch to close the deal. Treat each other as human beings and remember each of you has feelings; be tender and kind to one another through this sensitive time of discovery.
Once you’ve reached this stage of understanding one another and have decided you are compatible with each other’s beliefs, morals, and other important issues, then you can move forward in the relationship with healthy boundaries in place. And vice-versa, if you have talked things through to this point of discovering that each of your ideals and morals are not equal, then you can cordially bow out of the relationship without being rude or mean to one another. In fact, you should still be able to remain friends even if on a more shallow level. That’s okay. That’s the whole purpose of dating anyway. Once you have gotten this infatuated image of this person out of your system as you see he or she doesn’t line up with your standards, you can let them go and move on with your life. There is no emotional baggage to carry over into another relationship.
Christian dating website
Social media networks have been of great help to a lot of people worldwide in terms of improving communication and expanding the “social realm”. Christians are asked to mingle with people who are of the same faith and beliefs, but sometimes, because for the “lack of choices” they are forced to have relationships with those who are not Christians like themselves.
Now it is easier than ever before to meet Christian singles online; especially with all the wonderful Christian dating websites now available. It is obvious that many singles are looking for something more than dating. They are interested in increasing lasting friendships. After all, most solid marriages are built between two peoples that see each other as best friends, not just romantic partners.
However, Christian dating websites have been made in order to solve that kind of problem. Christians will be able to network with other Christians not only in the same geographical location but also across the islands. They will also be able to interact with one another in the “Christian way.” These kinds of websites have been popular because it allows Christians get to know each other through the innovations of social media and the Internet.
Click on the link below to watch a funny video.
Have you ever had a first date disaster? I’m sure everyone of us has at one time or another. My guess is, it never works out for a second date disaster either. But there are exceptions. One of my first date disasters involved a guy I was very attracted to and worked with at a bank in a different department than me. We saw each other a daily basis and my imagination went wild whenever I saw his smile. My hormones did too. A mutual friend set us up to share break time together and in the process a lunch date was planned. I think he took me to McDonald’s. Okay, not so high class, but it was lunch and we only had so much time.
When we sat down to eat, he reached into his pocket and pulled out cigarette. I hate smoking, but he did ask my permission and I didn’t want to come across prudish. This was several years ago before all the big hullabaloo about how secondhand smoke can cause cancer too. I could tell he was nervous, his hands were shaky. It seemed odd to watch him light the cigarette and then something very unexpected happened. As he held the matchbook in one hand and a lit match in the other, flames ignited in front of his face. He waved his hand vigorously in an attempt to put out the fire. Once the flames subsided, we both coughed from the smoke.
“What happened,” I asked.
“I don’t know. Somehow the matchbook caught fire,” he explained, his face blood red with embarrassment.
As our lunch progressed, I realized he was trying to come across as a more mature man, rather than the boy he actually was at the time. Needless to say, our lunch date was short and sweet with no repeat performances or a second date.
What I learned from that experience was that just because a guy is really cute, it doesn’t mean he’s ready for any kind of real relationship. Granted, I was only about twenty years old then, but I really wanted a steady boyfriend. I had conjured things up in my mind about this guy that simply were not true and certainly not anything he could have remotely lived up to either. It’s hard to see things realistically when you’re going gaga over someone. In that respect, I was the immature one. When yearning for a loving relationship, God sometimes brings about our circumstances to help teach us that we’re not really ready for that sort of thing yet. It’s best to stick with Jesus as my first soul mate and trust Him to bring my husband into my life at the right time when I am ready. Looking back, that was a really funny moment and one I obviously haven’t forgotten.
Please share your thoughts with me in the comments section. How do you keep trusting God for the love you need in your life?
Dating is tricky anyway, but adding personal convictions and a strong belief system into the equation makes it even trickier. Being a Christian woman in today’s world is tough. It was hard when I was dating 25 years ago. The standards then were just as low as they are today. Yet, God’s standards call us to live by a higher morality. Our ways are not always God’s ways either. We all want to fit in and do what everyone else is doing, right? Going the opposite direction often leaves us without a lot of companionship or many friends. Nevertheless, for the Christian woman, there are still many options available that can help to remedy the situation.
I was always active in my youth group at church. After I graduated high school, I entered the world of young adulthood and singleness. If it wasn’t for church young adult programs, there literally would not have been a place for a Christian young woman to hang out and make like-minded friends. I really came to depend on these types of programs which are often available in the larger churches. It’s hard being the new girl on the block and just walking into such places cold turkey. But I did it, and I’m none the wear for it. I made great friends and learned the value of networking among multi-denominational Christians. Remaining open-minded even within your own basic religious belief structure and church organization is important; especially when seeking out Mr. Right.
And yes, it is perfectly fine to attend young adult programs at different churches for the specific purpose of meeting potential dating beaus. In fact, I give you my permission if that is what you are needing. I did it for years. After all, how are you going to know if you never try? How will you ever get asked out, if you never put yourself in the appropriate settings? After dating all kinds of guys – Christian and non-Christian – for several years, meeting them randomly in good and bad settings, nightclubs included, I finally decided I was looking for love in all the wrong places. So I created an action plan to find the man of my dreams in the kind of place I would expect to find him; the kind of places I saw myself attending if I were married. These were places I was accustomed to and desired to visit. I figured if I couldn’t find him there, then how was I to know he went to church at all or was serious about his own Christian faith? This is definitely something to consider before dating anyone. I’ve added a poll to this blog just to see what you think. Please answer it below and leave a comment explaining your answer.
P.S. For more strategies and dating tips for Christians, pick up your copy of Date, Pray, Wait. Available now on Amazon, Barnes & Noble, and e-book formats.